Dear technology, I am breaking up with you

Maybe not breaking up. But you are so on warning.

I am so tired of this shit. Seriously, who the hell can deal with consumer electronics? After shelling out hundreds of bucks, I bet most of this shit must be sitting brick-like in people's closets.

A while back I got Vonage, and with it a linksys wireless router with phone ports. It died, mysteriously, within a year. After hopeless conversations with Vonage and Linksys, I gave up and bought a new (and not cheap) one.

Zoom to now. The new one is now shitting itself copiously on a regular basis. I have to reboot it nearly daily (where "reboot" means "yanking power" since there's no switch) just to get it to pick up wireless again.

FUNNER than that (as if there's anything more fun!) it loses its entire configuration from time to time, leaving my network completely vulnerable until I notice and reconfigure it to keep the slathering zombie hordes out.

Then (just to make this a real and proper rant) there are my cellphones. Plural. My old phone was a Sony piece of crap that drops in the middle of calls with a horrid screeching noise and crashes because it has a fucking memory leak. So, when my contract came up I decided to get a NEW and SHINY phone from a new carrier.

First candidate : Motorola Rizr, a cool slider phone in a lovely color. I got it in the mail, and discovered it had zero signal in my house. Or in any other building. I took it to Tmobile - they said, "Well, it's a quirky phone. Get a different model."

What the fuck? Why do they sell it if it doesn't work? So, as instructed, I returned it to get a Samsung T-419 (or somesuch). Another cool slider phone, with a really shitty user interface. I was all ready to set it up, when I discovered it hadn't been properly activated. After a round with the company and with Tmobile, it's still not active. And a bill will be coming soon, for services I have never been able to use.

I still have one or two electronic devices that work, so I'm not going to jinx it by citing them by name. I am at this point a complete believer in electronic voodoo. I have had a magic touch for a long time. Some people heal - I seem to have an electromagnetic power of electronics destruction, destined to only be unleashed at the most crucial of moments.

This isn't funny anymore, technology. Shape up, or I'm shipping out to a quiet island, never to see you again. I'll try my luck with the coconut trees.


hither, yon

Random bloody random:

Walked down to my appointments this morning at around 10:30. When I walk through campus, I'm constantly turning my head, taking it all in. When I bring my camera, it takes me three times as long. This morning, there were so many people out on their cellphones, wearing iPods - totally isolated from the world around them. I can remember in high school wearing my Walkman everywhere. It helped shield me from the environment around me - the typical high school environment of drama and socially inflicted misery.

Anyway, the isolation this morning caused me to reflect on that. It didn't make me sad, like it might have once. I just felt glad that I don't isolate myself that way anymore, and that I can look at the world and see and hear it all around me.

* * *

I went to the neurologist for my sleep study followup. Basically, there's nothing wrong - which is great news, because I don't have to worry about it as far as my health goes. It is frustrating to know I don't have anyplace to go with it, if it gets worse again.

I had three hours until my next appointment so I went to Espresso Roma for a sandwich and some lemonade. By this point I was swaying in the sickness of my medications, nauseous and dizzy. I managed to get down about half my sandwich, and tried to work on photos. The inspiration and focus wasn't there. Snow came down and kept me company (as well as finishing the second half of my sandwich). We went to an amazing toy store and swooned over all of the Playmobile toys. I now want them all. And a shelf to put them on.

* * *

My second apointment was with my psych doc - we dealt with some paperwork, and I asked him about the constant pukeyness. He's cutting down some of my meds, which means another trial-and-error period. I'd actually been feeling prett good (aside from the constant pukeyness, of course) for the past few weeks. So I'm worried.

On my walk home I was pretty drained. Walking through campus back, though, was really nice. There were so many people out, and they were chatting and walking in groups. They were all so young and beautiful, looking happy or looking serious. The whole world is open to them, everything left to unfold. It made me smile.

4 miles round trip, two doctor appointments, two lemonads and half a sandwich. Long day.


now we're out of beta and we're shipping on time

Ok so I found some of the icons I want, but not all. Nobody seems to have a full set of the Portal level icons. =[

And that, friends, is pretty much the extent of my pimping. I just can't quite get into deep customization. It's. A. Phone. And shortly, it'll be a Portal phone and that's good enough for me.

phone pimp

I'm waiting for FedEx to bring my new, hopefully less sucky phone. In the meantime, I'm considering how I will "pimp" said phone.

I found this very credible instrumental keyboard rendition of the Portal Ending Credits to use as a ringtone, which pleases me to no end.

And now said phone has appeared, and I will return at some point with evidence of said "pimping".



Too many naps today. Can't sleep. Hooray tv movies with the "fucks" bleeped out.

Heat is a great movie. I don't think I've seen it all the way through in years, tonight no exception - I always seem to be coming in half way. I should really just rent it and watch it through, since it's totally worth it.


* Despite the fact that this movie is 13 years old and there have been huge advances in crime-oriented movies and tv shows since then, this still rocks them. No Law & Order, no CSI, no Catherine Zeta Jones slinking under laser security. Just badass actors being badass.

* Al Pacino and Robert Di Nero used to be much younger men. I forget this fact.

* Val Kilmer always seems mildly retarded to me in everything after Real Genius. Did someone drop him on his head in acting school? His IMDB biography insists he's a good actor...

* Other notable roles for our pal Val (via IMDB)

The Dirt (2009) (in production) (rumored) .... David Lee Roth
Knight Rider (2008) (TV) (voice) .... K.I.T.T.
The Ten Commandments: The Musical (2006) .... Moses
Masked and Anonymous (2003) .... Animal Wrangler

* There is apparently a video game of this movie coming out and that scares the shit out of me. Movie license games are notoriously shitty, and it seems a shame to sully the name for all the kids who have never seen it.



If I invented a psych drug, I'd call it "bananazapam". It'd be so much fun to say, no one would ever forget to take their meds.


my valentine

It's too personal to document in more than notes, but I had a lovely Valentine's Day with Snow (celebrated on the 13th, to avoid the crush of the amorous the next day).

- I don't fit into any of my dresses. For the first time in memory, they are all too big. I settled on one that had a belt. But it was nice to realize my body is changing for the good.

- Dinner and drinks at Downtown were amazing. Pear brandy sidecars, fantastic cheese plate including a truffle cheese that was mind-blowing, spicy potatoes, intense risotto, fantastic pork shoulder, and a pear and berry... crumble? buckle? I can't remember. Anyway, it was memorable.

- Snow wrote me a card that was really beautiful, with words I won't soon forget.

It was a lovely and happy day. I've had a lot of those lately, but this one was especially so. Which in itself an intensely happy thing.

Of course, true to form I can't sleep now. But that's ok, it gives me more time to glow in the niceness of the evening.


i almost remember when i used to eat and sleep

I've been kind of down about my photography lately - I haven't had the personal energy to keep up with my Etsy store, despite really quite decent sales in the last few months of last year. I haven't done much new, mostly because of energy but also because of the dark, cold rainy days.

My mom, though, said she has some sites she thinks I'd like to photo. That's super cool to me, that she "gets" what I'm doing, and wants to contribute. I will of course try to make the most of it.

Thursday is Valentines Day which has always been a family day - candy hearts and chocolate, hearts and flowers and of course dinner. Snow and I will go out together on Wednesday to have our own celebration, away from the hustle and bustle of the 14th. Since I'll be up during the week, I'm going to get a paper notarized for Audrey's passport, as well as my divorce papers. Which is really great. Another thing I haven't had the energy for will be done. Before then, I have cards and gifts to make - which is fun.

Seeing as my glass project is nearly done, only a bit of solder cleanup and framing to do, I'm thinking of applying the knowledge to small glass pendants with my art inside. It's a different kind of work than I'm used to, actually using my hands instead of just vision and images. It's challenging, but also satisfying.

Insomnia for the last week, nausea before that. Little appetite - managed to eat some thai food the other day and some mac & cheese tonight, but the only thing that really seems to help are peanuts eaten in between swallowing pills. No idea why it works, but it does. Switching meds is exhausting but I have to give it a chance.


music :: mgmt

On the strength of "Time to Pretend", I thought MGMTs Oracular Spectacular would be current rock with a touch of Queen linfuence, maybe. I was really disappointed when I listened to the whole thing and realized they were trying to cover, in spirit, all of hits of the 70s. In fact, "The 70s" would have been a better band name, at least it'd be kind of descriptive.

Seems like a novelty act. All will be shown if their next record is 80's themed...

Vonnegut lives

"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'" - Kurt Vonnegut

Something I've been trying to figure out how to say for so long. So, there it is.

ancient history

I pulled up my web pages from 1996 on internet archive tonight. I don't think I'll link them - they are, in a way, personal.

It makes me happy, to see that over 10 years ago I was designing well, I was writing things that don't totally suck now. I was so unhappy at the time about so many things, but my art and writing and web pages gave me some satisfaction. And 12 years detatched, I can say, it wasn't unwarranted.

Still, strange to look at. It's still me, I noticed. My voice is different, but the song remains the same. And that's good to know.

Interesting facts about me in 1996:

I was 19 years old.

I was flunking out of the Junior College.

I was working at a small ISP, where I first got my UNIX chops. Which I had to unlearn later, and relearn properly. But still.

I made my first real webpages, mostly preformatted text. And they are still badass looking, in my opinion.

I wrote more than I did at any other time of my life, and more freely.

I was completely unstable. My boyfriend broke up with me, and I tried to kill myself twice. As far as I know, I didn't succeed.

I made my first forays into Photoshop and digital art. I never looked back.

They weren't the best of times, but they weren't the worst of times. They were volatile times, times of change, but also creativity. Funny, how that goes.


Global Warming?

Just messing around...


It's the hippies giving lap dances to paraplegics show!! I hate this show!! Or maybe today it's a paraplegic interview show. Right now they're interviewing burlesque performers, through an interpreter for the... what is it? The pointing pad thing.

This really is a show on cable access. They show it in alternation with the people on acid making out show, which is actually grosser somehow.

Nobody else ever sees these shows because nobody watches cable access, and everyone thinks I make them up. =/


My fury is fucking unending.

Scientologists fucking with people who need mental health help - and FOX assists

Faenza said Fox News had been broadcasting an 800 help line for “National Mental Health Assistance” and the network was unaware that the number was being answered by the Scientologist’s center in Los Angeles.

A cult preying on people who need mental health services is just vile - but a right wing media arm helping them? Disturbing in the utmost.

things i like about walking around town

1. Recognizing the tags around town, realizing who are the serious ones and who just goes for the easy hit.

2. Construction sites. They are so awesome. I love seeing the naked insides of buildings, being pulled from raw materials.

3. People. Like 'em or hate 'em, they are everywhere, and they all have stories on their faces to be read.

4. Empty store windows, like a promise or a heartbreak. So much possibility and failure all in one square portal. Dusty shelves and broken down boxes, windows half-obscured like secrets.

5. Secrets. Angles and shapes that aren't meant to be seen - seams between worlds. And taking pictures of them, when I can.


layers etc

I like layers a lot. It's just silly and fun and dopey.

Stayed inside, tired and off-kilter from new meds.

In classic blog style, this is what I look like today:




Why does my lovely city sometimes look like a fallen Eastern Bloc country? So much ugly architecture. It has a certain decaying charm, but it breaks my heart that they keep building these style-less, cheap buildings.

thinks i like

kukuburi, an amazing and surreal comic by ramon perez. Updated Tuesdays.

gmaps pedometer - chart your path, see distance and estimate calories expended.