i wouldn't call it liveblogging...

It has to be pledge week, because KQED (the local PBS affiliate) is actually showing something worth watching, as opposed to the Lawrence Welk and thinly-disguised infomercials that are normal.

Awake and flipping channels at 2, I tuned in just in time to see a dramatic closing moment from Queen's performance at the 1985 mega concert for Africa, Live Aid. I sort of remember seeing part of it on tv as a kid - I guess I was Audrey's age. Maybe in a hotel room on a family vacation, but I can't be sure. They're now playing selections from it I guess, a clip show if you will. I'm starting to think it'd be fun to get the DVDs. A lot of music history.

Bowie: (Heroes) Looked so much younger. He sounded great, so much less... fragile than he sounds/presents himself now.

The Who: (Won't Get Fooled Again) The Who? It's amazing these guys were only middle-aged then.

Elton John: (Bennie and the Jets) Pre-sequin era, but with a crazy hat. I think he was really stoned.

Tina Turner and Mick Jagger: Battle of the mouths. Still seriously damned entertaining. Why Jagger insisted on taking off his shirt to show his creepy skinny pale underbelly is beyond me, though. A lot about this particular performance was confusing. Cocaine?

Paul McCartney: (Let it Be) Not much to say. He looks younger, and a bit stoned. I see a theme developing.

All in all, it's always a reality check to see how young and healthy people who are now old and drug/life/wife exhausted were.

Next on late night tv liveblogging: Tennis players make funny sounds. Ugh! Ungh! Ugh! AUUUGH!


victory! (a small one, par usual)

After three months of trying, I FINALLY have a phone that works. A Motorola Razr v3xx, which seems nice enough. It has proper bluetooth, works in my house, and doesn't sound like shit. That's all I wanted. And now I have it.

Demanding very little is the key to happiness in life.


skin show

After going through a bunch of laptop skin sites, most of which are filled with sports team logos and ugly design, I found gelaskins, which actually has some great design and classic images.

I'm half decided on this one - it's whimsical and pretty without being too silly. Plus, fish!

Today is a busy day, have to finish making prints and mail them. Halfway done with that, but I'm kind of dragging at it. Also waiting for my new phone to come, which gives me an excuse to stay in the house until it comes. Ha ha, I am the queen of justifications.

Bad dreams about work last night. Ironic as I am not working. Go figure.


come, come, come, nuclear bomb

Anyone who thinks Morissey or the Smiths - for that matter the Cure, Bauhaus - are depressing just never listened to the right songs. I mean there's a lot of downbeat songs, sure. And some of the subject material is definitely down. But how can you not dance when "Interesting Drug" is on? "National Front Disco"? Forget it. They are happiness inducing without being saccharine. And that's all I want on a morning that starts out shit. It makes it a bit better. Sometimes, a big bet better.

and all of those
who sing on key
they stole the notion
from you and me

no. more. fucking. coffee.

I indulged myself, against my better sense, and had a Starbucks frappathingie with an (amazing) Top Pot apple fritter today.
I now remember why I gave up caffeine.

I have been obsessively tidying for the last several hours. I have also been looking for a print I made a while ago. I've now looked basically everywhere likely, and everywhere unlikely that I can think of. I have rifled through every drawer and cabinet, looked on every shelf, inside every notebook.

It's driving me fucking crazy.

There is a remote possibility that I threw it out in a previous fit of tidying. Which would be MOST unsatisfactory.

Worst case scenario, I make it again. But the other one was perfect! And I was sure I had saved it.

So now I feel like I can't sleep until I find it. Snow insists I won't find it until I sleep. I have a feeling this is a standoff with no eventual winner, but one big loser.

To those who sleep... good night, and good luck.




99% of the food I see advertised on TV makes me sick to look at. Burgers dripping with cheese, grease or mayonnaise. Various "chicken" products embalmed in unknown "sauces". Triple platters of fried foods for the outrageously low price of $7.99, for the hastening of your impending heart attack. For an additional $1.99, add a stroke. How can you resist.

In case you were convinced, Applebees is not your neighborhood grill. McDonalds is not cool. The double bacon six dollar burger is not something anyone should eat. Ever. It is gross, no matter what they say on your tv.


Reality tv is watchable with Tivo. Fast forward through all of the recaps and drama, and watch the 20 total minutes of actually interesting gameplay out of a two hour show. 5 minutes for a 1 hour show.


Cable channels are putting out some really entertaining programming. Dirt is a lot of fun. Breaking Bad was remarkably good. And everyone knows my thoughts on Battlestar. (Extremely awesome, in case it's in question).


I spend too much time watching tv. But Tivo helps.


God knows I want to break free

Woke up naturally at 9:30, not tired. Lost two pounds, finally putting me below the 200 mark. I'll do anything not to cross that line again.

Drank spearmint tea and did some upper body and abs work because my ankle is still healing. Watched my dvd of Queen at Wembley, which makes me exceptionally happy. I want to have the energy and love for my art that they did, someday.

Next is shower and errands. Willing myself to have a good rest of the day.



Me: Who would win in a battle of wits, raccoons or robots?
Snow: We've had this conversation before.
Me: Really?
Snow: Yeah, I think you've wondered that before.


rock me like a hurricane

Playing with photobooth just after waking up and before doing things like brushing my hair. I think I look like a really disheveled mannequin. Now, tea and oatmeal! Mannequins can't have those. Ha.



I'm going to try to undertake a "Robot a Day" project. I don't draw all that well, but I *really* enjoy drawing robots. So here are a couple, along with Audrey's interpretation.


"Love Bots"

"Audrey's Awesome Robot"

spearmint, brains, spongebob, a stumble and a fall

What a long week. Fun, stress, injury... action packed.

Sample sale at Kat's work on Friday - got some cute stuff. Audrey's home party on Saturday. Very successful SpongeBob party on Sunday. Monday I was supposed to go to the dentist, but instead fell down a flight of stairs and badly sprained my ankle.

Go me.

Spent the next couple days on my mom's couch, canceling my dentist and psych appointments. I used the time to refurb my photo site's front page, but had no luck in finding a gallery generator I liked.

I also downloaded a bunch of books. Advances in Treatment of Bipolar Disorder is a pretty good read, as it happens. It was good to get the background on the studies on the many medications I take. Yay research.

Then I did some different research, and read that one of the main green tea components (EGCG, the much talked about as of late wonder-compound) may help control hormonal acne.

Inhibiting 5-alpha reductase and DHT. Other studies of green tea have shown that EGCG and epicatechin-3 gallate, known as ECG, are effective in inhibiting the enzyme 5-alpha reductase type 1, thus reducing the synthesis of dihydrotestosterone (DHT), a potent form of testosterone

Then I found some other stuff that indicated good success with spearmint tea reducing androgens - PubMed backs it up. Since I like spearmint tea, and it doesn't have caffiene, that works for me.

I'm slightly skeptical, but it's not an expensive compound and it is relatively non-interacting, so I might give it a shot. After all, commercials say it will make me live forever! Who wants to live forever? Who waits forever anyway?

I'm going to give it a shot - can't hurt, might help. For now though, laid up with a purple swollen ankle. The glamor just never stops.


a day to celebrate

Today is remarkable for a couple of reasons.

First and foremost, it's Audrey's 8th birthday. It's almost incomprehensible, that the tiny beautiful baby with the bright eyes and easy smile has turned into this smart, funny, beautiful little girl. Her creativity, wits, drive, and compassion constantly astound me. People always say, kids grow up so fast, and I never really understood it until now. She is the best kid in the world and I'm proud of her every minute of my life.

Happy birthday, pink ninja.

Secondarily, I am at my lowest weight in 8 years. I'm not big into the "fatblogging" concept, but I wanted to set down a few thoughts.

I've read a lot of websites, about diets, fitness, weight loss... and after trying so many of them without good result, I have to go with the new Weight Watchers motto - "Diets don't work."

I'm starting to believe that losing weight is an issue of recovery. Like drug addiction or alcoholism, you can't really change until you're ready. And then, it has to be a complete life change. Your views on food have to change - what is acceptable to put in your body, how much and what makes you feel good to eat. When it's ok to indulge and when you really don't need it. How to find activity that makes your body feel good, that makes you happy.

You can't do it from a list or a program. It has to come from personal drive and motivation. And it's undoubtedly true that many people can get the initial motivation, that switch, from various programs. That charismatic trainers and spokespeople can inspire. But the desire, the change, must come from within.

What did I change? Nothing that major, when it comes down to it. No marathons, no cabbage soup diet. I stopped eating out so much because of necessity - I was broke. Now it's an occasional treat, and I enjoy it more because of it. I eat until I am full, and then stop. I have stopped feeling guilty about not eating my whole meal. I eat tons of the things I love - mostly fruit. I drink tons of sparkling water. I had a gym membership, but I rarely use it. I enjoy walking or doing exercise at home far more. So I do all the things the diets say I should do - in my own way.

So what does all of that mean? I had to figure out how to make the core concepts of fitness and weight loss something that makes me happy, something that can be part of my every day life. It took me a long time to figure out, and I'm not really sure what the final tipping point was - I'd call it a paradigm shift, really. But the results are inarguably good. And I wish all of the diets and programs out there focused a bit more on helping people truly find their own place in their lives for being well. It is above all a *personal* transformation. I really don't think there's any way.


the list

Stuff to do. Giant list. Piles of laundry. Endless important things that must must must be done. Calls to be made. Letters to send. Piles of dishes. Replace light bulbs. Rework my art website. And on and on.

Yesterday I sat in the sun for an hour, chatting with Snow and Chuck and reading a book. It was better than getting things done.

I took a nap at Snow's house while he played Sins of a Solar Empire. It was better than trying to do anything.

I came home and made smoothies and watched Top Gear with Snow and laughed a lot. It was by far better than working down my to-do list.

Motivation is a bitch when simple things are finally seeming so nice.