nothing to say but what a day

power outage forced me to sleep last night. bought a new phone, should arrive tomorrow - perhaps it will suck less. making a lot of lists - a fake sort of order. made a list of things i used to enjoy but have since lost interest in (pretty much everything). printed a list of psychologists. clearly i need a second opinion on my mental state (first opinion being mine, naturally, and totally unreliable). i have all this divorce paperwork to deal with and it's very intimidating. i've gotten as far as addressing envelopes. still to do, copies, notarized signatures, mailing, crossing my fingers and hoping the "respondent" as he's called does the same. each step is like tooth pulling, a carnival of anxiety. for which there are drugs. so that's good, at least. as a nurse once told my mother, "where there's dope, there's hope".

i am guessing no new art for a while. i can't force it and it's just not coming.

my plants are mostly doing ok though. so yay.

ad hoc laws of brain physics

first law

there is no up without a down. there is no stable without an unstable.

second law

the most preferred state is stable, for life, relationships, and happiness.

third law

there is no complete happiness without creativity.

fourth law

there is no creativity in the state of stable.

fifth law

you. are. fucked.

ideas without motivation are just shooting a capgun at godzilla. from far away. inspiration in short supply. there's no forcing it. trying to find the balance is... well, i'll make sure to docment it if i ever figure it out.

also

I hate the word "hip" when not referring to a part of the human body. It makes me feel mildly queasy.

We do what we must because we can

Welcome to Steam

Parking permit - want.

mutants traitors and thieves

First:



Silly experiment in selective blurring


Last night was first game night at Chuck and Chris' house. Risk 2230 - good game. I almost had to shiv Snow for his betrayals, but I got over it. Kinda. Next time I'll be more ruthless - what was I thinking? Also, land war? Asia? Hullo...

Cold last night. Slept on the couch fully dressed because I couldn't bear the thought of either undressing or getting in a cold bed. I would never, ever survive outside of California. Of course, outside of California I'd probably have a reasonably working heater. So there's that.

Stained glass night tonight - grinding! Everyone likes to grind. Yep.

diagramatic

Snapped a picture of the new BART map, since I couldn't find one online anywhere. Seems to be secret!

So cool.

nerves

I feel so well rested. Falling asleep next to someone you love and actually continuing to sleep through the night - amazing. And due to my sleepfucked state, rare.

I think I'm suffering from some kind of loss of nerve, creatively. I managed to churn out some work I was really happy with a few months ago, and then I just sorta... stopped. I wanted to blame it on winter, but I know it's not true. Intimidated, that I might not be able to do it more.

So I'm going to try to go out this afternoon and shoot a full card on each of my cameras - that's about 500 shots total. It's ambitious, but it'll shake me out of my rut I hope. It should also get me out on a good long walk, which I need. So, eating my oatmeal, having some tea, charging up my batteries and getting ready to open my eyes for a few hours.

I managed to nerve up to look at my resume last night though. It wasn't in bad shape, I was happy to find. I cleaned it up and posted it a few places.

Despite being at my parents house this weekend, also known as "snack hell", I managed to be reasonable. Weighed myself this morning - 3 lbs less than Friday. Blood sugar 10 points lower. Getting stronger all the time. I will beat this life, someday,

Borosilicate

Stained Glass class was very successful. I really enjoyed it. Cutting glass is not as hard as I'd feared.

Pros:

* The glass is amazingly beautiful, and it's an honor just to work with it. Seriously.

* Breaking glass *incredibly* satisfying when successful.


Cons:

* Stab wound on my thumbmeat creating copious blood. (Pro: blood on pattern gives "cred"). Other minor wounds not worth mentioning.

* Picking glass grounds out of nose kinda disturbing


As an aside, I have a burning desire to somehow create cat ears to put on the roof of my car (not of glass - I imagine a carbon fiber or fiberglass molded piece). And maybe a bumper sticker that says "DO NOT WANT". Which is usually how I feel when I'm driving.

Stop me before I kill again.

chezburger. we has them.

I was sort of disturbed when I found out my boyfriend had a whole bunch of lolcats on his iPhone.

Then somehow I landed on that site and started scrolling through them, and now I am both sick with laughter and deeply ashamed.



*sigh*

Update:

Then I did this. And now Snow will kill me.

“On a bad day, I have mood swings - but on a good day, I have the whole mood playground”

Today was actually productive. Glory glory. I did laundry. Which I hadn't done in... insert number of days here.

In the afternoon Snow and I went to the stained glass studio and picked out glass. Which was glorious. It indulged all of my love of color, in a very pure way. I bought more than I needed, but it was all so *pretty*. I am really excited about how it's going to turn out. There's just 4 weeks of work between now and then.

I bought a deckled edged ruler which I've wanted for a while but couldn't find. We came home, and Snow cooked for us. And then we traced and cut out our stained glass patterns while watching endless episodes of Law & Order: CI (the flavor of preference).

While sketching out (!!) some ideas for future glass projects, I got an inspiration from my rail maps book - it would be wickedly cool to do a big glass panel of the BART map. Of course it'd be a bunch of pretty small parts, and it'd be tricky... so maybe in a few projects. It's still a fun idea.

Being functional kinda rocks it. I might even sleep before 2am. 2am! Practically apocalyptic.

(quote : Charles Rosenblum. No idea who he is, but damned if it isn't true.)

Transit Maps of the World

Transit Maps of the World is the first and only comprehensive collection of historic and current maps of every rapid-transit system on earth. Using glorious, colorful graphics, Mark Ovenden traces the history of mass transit-including rare and historic maps, diagrams, and photographs, some available for the first time since their original publication. Transit Maps is the graphic designer’s new bible, the transport enthusiast’s dream collection, and a coffee-table essential for everyone who’s ever traveled in a city.

Snow encouraged me to buy this, as I gazed at it longingly. It wasn't a wrong decision. It is the coolest. Book. Ever. Seriously.

And, I'm pleased to report that BART has entered the 21st century and is remaking some of their maps - I can't seem to find any reference online, but their in-station schedules have a small non-geographically bound map that clearly shows the lines and connections. It is lovely and modern, more akin to London's, and it makes me really happy.

I love rail. I love heavy rail, light rail. I love monorail. I love high speed rail, and to a lesser degree, slow old railroad. I wish I knew more about it, but just the pictures make me giddy.

So yeah. Rail porn. Love.

doo dee dee

We're sorry the brain you are trying to reach is not quite functional. Please hang up and try your call again.

Exercise regimen is lending to lots of pain. Trying to cowboy up and keep with it, at least for a few more weeks.

Thirsty. Out of sorts. Not doing things that ought to get done. Definitely not creative.

Give it a few days. Reconnection is inevitable.

why we fight

further meanderings: "Why We Fight"


(none of these are anything like a finished product. just sketches)

second prototype

"Quiet at Last"

new image rescue project, gratuitous zombies

It occured to me that there are tons of still images just waiting to be found and loved in public domain movies. So naturally I started with zombies.



What I really want to do is pick through the (many!) public domain films for shots that someone loved, stories that the movie didn't tell. To re-contextualize, to make new.

More to come on that.

More:

Having framed through most of "Night of the Living Dead", a few observations:

1: Framing through a movie with no sound is really fascinating. Not totally frame by frame, but fast forward and reverse and focusing on tiny details.

2: I have a better idea of what I want to do with this, but it needs a bit more work. End result will not be anything as vulgar or obvious as above. Right now I'm liking the idea of settings without characters a lot - before entrances, after exits...

3: I don't know how I forgot, but Night of the Living Dead fucking rocks.